The Wolf

My sister has an amazing knack for telling a story, whether it is from her personal experience or from what she has read and learned.  She has picked up the slack on my part in keeping up with our website.  Her last blog has hit home with me, but in a different way.  The purpose of our website is to reach out to others that have nowhere to turn or do not know where to begin.  Let me rephrase, she has designed a site that is simple and easy to navigate to explore all the things that “hit home” with her or I.  It can be books, art, food, traveling or whatever resonates with us.  Our webpage will always be under “construction” as we grow personally in our journey.

Why did her last blog hit home with me? Well, as I mentioned in the beginning of this, she has an amazing talent for telling stories.  I have mentioned in the beginning that I have always felt I was not a good writer which is why I procrastinate in writing for our website.  At the encouragement of my sister, she said try.  I have written something weekly or when I have the time.  Her last blog was basically, “why do we do this to ourselves” with food.  I want to share my feelings on the same topic, but with our “personal growth.”  Everyone that is familiar with me knows I have read just about everything under the sun.  I struggle with myself, and I am constantly asking why am I not better or successful?  What does “better” or “successful” truly mean?  Is it having a lot of money, having one’s shit together, being mentally strong that nothing phases us when something bad happens, or being content with where things are in life? 

Lisa, whose family I was living with in Virginia when I broke up with my first love/relationship, said something that I will never forget, it was something along the lines of this: “Why do you read so many self-help books?  You are not a bad person; you’ve put so much pressure on yourself that you forget to live.”  As I write this, I think about the question normally asked by most people, “why should I follow you if you don’t practice what you preach or read.”  This is a very legitimate question as I ask that question myself regarding others, “how can you sell yourself if you don’t practice what you preach.”  For example, in February of this year, I asked my sister to PLEASE help me control my diabetes.  She suggested the Carnivore diet and from my prior blogs, you all know where I am with this.  I have come to the conclusion that change DOES take time.  Everything that we do and requires change, takes time.  Some of us do it cold turkey and have great success with it.  Then there are some that need to reset, restart, and refocus many times so that the habit will eventually kick in.  The “ah-ha” moment will go off and the habit will stick. 

Personal accountability, well, it truly sucks.  Holding yourself accountable is the key to everything.  I find myself bargaining with what I must do.  As I have learned, this is not the way to get ahead of anything.  Especially with all the books I have read and wrote book reviews about.  So, yes, my own sister’s post hit home with me in a very good way.  Because I was not facing the fact that I bargain with what I must change to be healthier mentally and physically.  Sometimes I feel like I am writing cheques that my body can’t cash anymore.  “One more time”, knowing that eventually the cheques will be gone, and the well will be dry…  What then, what have I learned?  AS a perfect example, I was recently diagnosed with COVID, with already having a compromised lung immune system, this is a double whammy.

I am tired all the time now, regardless of my daily regimen of supplements and getting my 8 hours of sleep.  What I have stopped doing is exercising.  The question that is filling up my head right now is this, did I stop exercising because I had COVID, or should I continue to do light exercising.  The “personal accountability” me says I should have dialed it down and exercised with lighter moderations.  The “lazy” me says I should stop.  Guess who won?  In my mind I am speaking only from my experiences, no one else’s.  The Native American saying regarding the “wolf” rings VERY loudly here for my examples and experiences.  There is a saying, “The same fight is going on inside of you and inside every other person, too.”  The grandson thought about it for a minute then asked his grandfather, “which wolf will win?”  The old Cherokee simply replied, “the one you feed.””

I could end the blog here because there is nothing more that needs to be said, I hope the wolf message gets through to “me” and everyone that reads this.  Habits do form if you realize that change with anything takes time, and what you decide to “feed the change” is the key to anything in life.